Sikdungi
by vands88
Summary: Crack!Fic. What happens when the TARDIS lands in the middle of PPTH and the two fandoms collide?  House/Cameron  also 10/Rose and others  House: Set during s1. DW: Set during s4.  an old story that I forgot to upload here - sorry!


This is basically a crack!fic I wrote a couple of years ago and forgot to post here. Enjoy!

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><p>American.<p>

For some reason the Doctor rarely has any American companions.

He likes Americans. Apart from the whole calling chips fries and crisps chips and crisps not existing and all of the other wonderful misunderstandings that come up. Like pants.

Oh, why not, an American would be nice for a change.

And with that in mind, he sets the co-ordinates for New Jersey-ish sometime in the twenty-first century.

Just drop by and pick up another silly ape to show off to, can't be that hard can it?

The TARDIS lands with a bump as the Doctor grabs his brown trench coat and heads towards the door. There's nothing quite like the thrill of opening a door for the first time and having no idea what's behind it…

There's a cane in his face.

Interesting.

The Doctor stands halfway out the TARDIS, door still in hand, as his eyes cautiously follow the cane to its owner.

"You know, in some cultures it's considered rather rude to greet strangers by waving a great big giant cane in their face. Mind you, Americans…", he pauses, looking around the small room which he appears to be in, "I am in America, right? Oh, please tell me in America. Last time I tried to come here I ended up in the Antarctic. That was an adventure and a half, ended up covered in snow being attacked by a Odgeth Basth…" The Doctor trails off to find four pairs of eyes staring at him in a mixture of fear, shock and the classic 'this guy is insane' look.

"Who exactly are you?" A young blonde male asks from behind the others, with an Australian accent, the Doctor notes.

"Oh no, I'm not in Australia am I? Not that I have anything against Australians, or Australia itself - lovely kangaroos - but when you're aiming for New Jersey-ish, I mean that's a pretty big miscalculation, must be something wrong with…"

"Are you going to shut up anytime soon? If I wanted to listen to an insane person all day I'd go to the psych ward or even better - clinic." The man with the cane had spoken, demanding some sort of unspoken authority, "What the hell are you doing in my office?"

"Office…?", the Doctor steps out of the TARDIS completely, shutting the door casually behind him, "Oooh…we're in a hospital! Hence the white coat, I take it.", he says, indicating to a young woman beside the man with the cane. "Right, I'm sorry…"

"And what on earth is that?" A dark skinned man asks, pointing to the TARDIS.

"Oh that? That, my friend, is one brilliant machine. Called a TARDIS, I travel all over time and space in this beautiful box," he says, patting the wooden exterior lovingly, "Would love to stay and chat but I've got lives to save, like you have I expect. Seen any spaceships lately?" The Doctor says, trying to make his escape.

"Not so fast." The older man says, flicking up his cane so it's blocking his path to the exit. "Differential diagnosis." He says in an interested voice, and it takes the Doctor a while to realise that Cane Man isn't talking to him.

"Well, he's insane…" Says Kangaroo.

"Nice one Chase, I would _never_ have realised that without your brilliant mind-reading capability." Says Cane Man with sarcasm, still blocking the Time Lords exit. "Cameron, what do you think?" He asks, never taking his eyes of the Doctor.

"Umm…maybe he's telling the truth?" Says White Coat (presumably Cameron) timidly.

Cane Man, Kangaroo (Chase) and Dark Man all turn to look at the female in surprise, obviously truth wasn't something used often around here.

"Oh, I like you!", the Doctor speaks up again with his usual enthusiasm before being glared down by Cane Man. He rolls his eyes as Cane Man turns back to Cameron.

"Look, House, I'm not saying that I believe he travels around in time and space or whatever…", the Doctor groans in frustration, "but maybe we should give him a chance. You saw inside that thing, right?" She asks, pointing towards the TARDIS.

Cane Man, presumably named House (funny name that), sighs in annoyance turning towards Dark Man. "Foreman - alien, insane or both?"

"Well, he's definitely insane…and since when have aliens looked like humans? No, wait, since when have aliens _existed_, Cameron?" Dark Man AKA Foreman laughed, directing his question at the woman.

"If I may…", the Doctor tries to interrupt again, but House interrupts his interruption.

"Oh, what now? Going to turn into a little green Martian and dance around in polkadot shorts? Give me a break." He says, popping a pill into his mouth casually.

The Doctor takes the opportunity to try speaking again, "Why does everyone think I'm a Martian? Does it look like I'm from Mars? Or has it simply not occurred to you that there's other life in this universe other than little green men? I did meet some lovely little green men once actually…well, they're more like zebras than men, I suppose…Anyway, Time Lord, that's me."

"Okay. That's it. Foreman, take this guy to psych ward. Chase, do something about that box…"

"TARDIS…"

"Whatever it's called." House growled, "And Cameron…"

"I assume that's your last name." The Doctor interrupts – again, as the doctors turn to leave.

Cameron speaks before anyone else can, "Yeah, my first name's Allison."

"That's a nice name, I used to have a friend called Allison, I used to have a lot of friends." He says with sadness in his voice.

Cameron's face forms into a frown, "What happened to them?", she asks curiously before she can stop herself.

"My planet, my home, my family, my friends…all gone." He says solemnly.

"Sudden personality change. Foreman! Psych now!" Says House, suddenly breaking the mood.

"Oh, you silly doctors. That's the problem with you isn't it? Always looking for symptoms when there isn't a disease. 'There's a reason for everything'…have you ever considered that sometimes things just happen?" The Doctor says as Foreman steps towards him.

"Name." Foreman asks after a brief moment of silence, pen and paper in hand, acting like he didn't even hear him speak.

"The Doctor", he says with a sigh.

House glares at him, "The Doctor? In case you haven't noticed Einstein, we're in a hospital, you're surrounded by doctors. I want your _real_ name."

"That _is_ my real name. I'm the Doctor."

"Maybe he is actually a doctor." Cameron pipes in.

"Okay then, so you're doctor…who?" Foreman asks, writing on the form in front of him.

"If I had a dollar everytime someone asked me that…see! I'm getting into the American spirit already! Dollar and all that…" The alien jokes.

"So you're not from America? What country are you from then?" Chase asks.

"Oh, you silly kangaroo. Have you not been listening to a single word of my riveting tale? I'm. From. A. Different. Planet." The Doctor says patronisingly as if he's talking to a naughty child.

"Heh. What do you know, I think the psych patient's growing on me." Says House, only to receive a glare from the Australian.

"Let's try this again," Tries Foreman with a sigh, turning back towards the Doctor, "You've got a bit of a British accent so we'll say that you're from England. Your profession is a doctor. So all we really need now is your name…"

"Just make one up Foreman." The boss says with a tone of annoyance.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't making up a patient's names sort of illegal?" The Doctor butts in again.

"Yes, but believe me, House has done a lot worse than make up a patient's name." Cameron says before she can stop herself.

House looks like he's about to argue with the woman before his expression changes, "Oh, I suppose I can't argue with that. Pick a name "Doctor"." He says, making air quotes around his name and rolling his eyes slightly.

"John Smith will do, but you really don't expect me to hang 'round here do you? Got much better things to do then…" his voice turns solemn as he stares out the window, "is that what I think it is?" he asks in shock.

The occupants of the room all follow the stranger's gaze outside to see a pink floating creature hovering outside the open window.

"Close that window! NOW!" The Doctor shouts at the Australian near it, who rapidly jumps into action.

Foreman takes initiative and closes all other windows in the office and watches in wonder as the creature floats along trying to find another way in.

"House, I need you to close down the hospital. Call it an epidemic. Do whatever you have to do just make sure no-one leaves the building!" The Doctor says, as he raids though all the desks in the room trying to find something remotely useful.

"You can't tell me what to do…"

"Oh, shut up!" He shouts in exasperation, "Everyone in this hospital is going to _die_ unless you close down the building now!"

Cameron looks between the two men in shock and watches as her boss relents and picks up the phone beside him.

"Cuddy. We have an epidemic…I'll explain later…make sure no-one comes in or out of the hospital and close all the windows…yes, I know…just do it!" He throws the phone down. "Happy? You realise Cuddy's going to fire me if this turns out to be a hoax."

"It's better than being dead. Trust me." The Doctor says.

Before anyone can speak, Cuddy comes bursting through the door.

"Someone explain to me what's going on. Stat!" She demands, briefly acknowledging the Time Lord's presence before turning to House.

"There was a pink…thing…floating…alien…"

"Someone _other_ than Chase." She sighs in stress.

"Your hospital is about to be invaded by a host of Sikdungj. They live off the pain and suffering of humans, leaving only mindless corpses in their wake. This hospital is like a giant buffet for them; if you let them enter you will lose most, if not all, of your patients. I don't know what they're doing here but believe me when I say it's bad news. You've got to keep everyone inside while I think of a plan." The Doctor explains, still searching through the office.

"What about the people outside?" Cameron asks.

He looks up for a moment, surprised at her consideration of others, "They should be fine. Sikdungi only like to feast on large numbers, it's not ecological for them to feed on only a couple of people at a time. Takes too much energy. As long as there isn't a large suicide club meeting just outside the hospital today, you should be fine."

"I'm sorry…who are you?" Cuddy interrupts, arms folded, looking at the alien sceptically.

"I'm the Doctor. And I'm going to fix this." He says with a grin, pointing his sonic screwdriver at the magic 8 ball.

"Okay, let's see what fate wants me to do." The Doctor says, shaking the magic 8 ball, before looking at the result. "…Interesting."

"What's interesting?" Chase asks, stepping closer towards the Doctor.

"Oh, nothing really." He dismisses, "Now, Sikdungi have one main weakness. Three guess as to what it is." The Doctor says, pacing up and down in front of the others like a teacher lecturing students.

"Umm…water?" Foreman suggests.

"Someone's seen too many sci-fi films." Replies the Doctor.

"Happiness?" Cuddy puts forward.

"Close."

"Love?"

"Aaaaand Doctor Cameron wins the round!" The Doctor says cheerfully.

"So what? You want us to all hold hands, skip in a circle and declare our love for each other and the big bad monster will go away?" House says with his usual sarcasm.

"Yeah, pretty much." The alien says casually. "Who's in?"

"Please tell me you're kidding." Cuddy interrupts, "I'm sorry but if these Ski-whatsits are as deadly as you say they are, it's going to take a lot more than Cameron playing tonsil tennis with everyone in the room for them to just disappear."

"Cameron and Cuddy, now _that_ I'd like to see."

"House, shut up before I make you shut up." Cuddy continues before nearly being knocked over by someone rushing through the door.

"What's going on? The nurses say they're shutting down the hospital! There's some sort of epidemic…"

"Is it me Wilson, or are you always late for everything? And next time you barge in, you mind knocking first? I was having a wonderful daydream which you unceremoniously shattered to pieces." House says, addressing the new arrival.

"Who the hell's he?" Wilson asks, pointing to the Doctor.

Everyone chooses to ignore him.

"So what's the plan Doctor?" Cameron asks.

"We need more love in this hospital than pain and suffering. At least in one area. Do you think it's do-able?"

She looks awkward for a second; "I guess we could find all of the couples and close family and friends in the hospital and group them all in the same room. Would that work?"

"It's a start." The Doctor says, thoughtfully. "We need to go down to the entrance hall or whatever you call it in America. If it has a large space and big doors to the outside world, I'm happy!"

Five minutes later they are standing outside clinic, nurses still running around, making sure every window is closed, and House's team rapidly trying to find lovesick couples.

The Doctor works through the plan in his head once more before turning to face a passing Cameron.

"Allison, a word?" He asks, pulling her aside from the chaos.

"What?" She asks, still slightly out of breath from running around the hospital.

"You're in love with someone. And I can tell by that look in your eyes that things aren't exactly going well. But I _need _them to go well, just for a couple of minutes."

Cameron was literally speechless, and ended up doing a very good imitation of a fish. "I…I can't….he doesn't like me."

"Rubbish. Everyone lies, Allison." The Doctor says, and by the look on her face, it was the right thing to say, "Just kiss him. See what happens. If it all goes wrong, blame it on the end of the world."

She giggles with embarrassment. "I'll think about it." She smiles before turning back to help her colleagues.

"Can everybody hear me?" The Doctor shouts, standing on the nurses' station, addressing all the 'happy' people in the hospital.

A mumbled "yes" is heard throughout the hallway.

"Fantastic! Okay, in a minute I'm going to open these doors!" He yells, indicating towards the main doors, where wisps of what appears to be pink smoke keep passing by. "Those creatures are going to come in here faster than you can imagine and I need you to all close your eyes, jump into your lover's arms, remember the first time you fell in love and anything else happy and sappy that you can think of, just do it! If everything goes to plan, all of the love in this room should drain the aliens of their power and they should become lifeless. You will save every life in this hospital and all you have to do is kiss your way through it! Okay?" He shouts, and when the Doctor's satisfied that everyone is comfortable with the plan he starts to count from three.

"Three…two….one…."

And then several things happened at once.

Cameron takes House's hand and pulls him to her. Before he can even react, her lips are on his, pouring out all of her emotion over the last years into the kiss as her arms creep around his neck. Her heart beats a little faster as she feels his hands tentatively hold her waist and his lips begin to move under hers. She shuffles closer to him until there's barely a particle of air between them and her stomach flutters as she feels his arms tighten around her. _Maybe he wants this after all…maybe he does love me…_

The Doctor forces himself not to watch the scene in front of him, not to watch all of those couples, families and friends and knowing that he is alone. Instead he closes his eyes, remembering happier times with his kin and more recent times with a certain blonde. After he confronted the Satan creature, he'd thought he'd lost everything. He remembers that beautiful feeling of being back on the TARDIS with Rose in his arms, and it was like everything was right. He remembers the way she giggled into his neck as he swung her in his arms, he remembers the way she looked at him when he'd finally put her down, like he was the only thing she saw, and he remembers that dazzling smile…_I love you too, Rose_…

Wilson smiles as he sees his best friend and Cameron in an embrace so tight that he doubts even a stampede could break them apart. He somehow wishes his wife was here, and remembers the day of their wedding as he looks up and sees the 'Ski-whatsits' aliens flying high above him. He glances at the rest of the team, all with eyes shut, no doubt recalling their various happy memories and he can't help but smile. Everyone has someone…

Skifrew, Captain of the Sikdungi, orders his siks into the building as soon as an opening is spotted. He can feel all of the pain and suffering inside the human hospital, and they are going to feast like never before!

He hears a sik scream…then another…and another. But this is impossible! How could humans possibly know how to defeat us? We are the great Sikdungi!

Skifrew hides near the entrance, watching as his once great army is dissolved into nothing. His three eyes land upon the man standing tall…The Doctor. Skifrew shrieks at the loss of his friends and colleague and swears to seek revenge on the infamous Doctor.

An eerie silence falls over the hospital and Cameron blinks open her eyes to see her boss looking straight back at her.

"Can I expect this sort of treatment everytime it's the end of the world?" House whispers to her in a husky voice.

She giggles, "Well, that depends Greg, would you like to…?"

But his lips on hers rapidly cut her off.

"I just can't believe we defeated a bunch of aliens by the power of love. That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard." Chase snorted, kicking his legs up onto the table in House's office.

"It worked, didn't it?" Foreman opposed, flicking through a medical journal left on the desk.

It was a few hours after they had successfully overcome the Sikdungi and most people had gone home, except for House's team – of course.

Wilson lazily threw a ball from hand to hand, and getting bored of his friends' discussion, starts up a new one. "So…House and Cameron."

"Yeah." Says Chase, somewhat bitterly.

"It was always going to happen." Foreman says idly.

"Hmm…I suppose. Do you think the Doctor had anything to do with it?" Wilson asks curiously.

"Who? Me?" The Doctor says innocently, walking through the door with brilliant timing as per usual.

Wilson laughs, "Remind me never to put you and House in the same room together for more than five minutes, you'd drive each other crazy."

"Why's that?"

"Why do you think Martian?" House asks, walking through the door with Cameron not far behind.

"Let's see, both got impeccable timing, both sarcastic, both crazy…in a good way!", Wilson adds rapidly to his explanation.

The Doctor just chuckles, "Good thing I'm off then."

"Already?" Cameron asks, coming to step in front of him.

"Yeah, no point hanging around, is there? Unless…you want to come with me?" He asks hopefully to the young doctor.

"I…I can't. I'm sorry." She says.

The Doctor is surprised to hear real pity in her voice, and has to hide his smile when he sees Cameron's hand inch closer towards House, until their fingers are brushing.

Maybe they'd work out, maybe they wouldn't, either way they're happy now and that's all that matters.

"I hope you find someone, Doctor." She says honestly.

He smiles at her in understanding before saying farewell to the team. And as the Doctor walks away with a heavy heart, he remembers all of the love in that room just a few hours ago. There is still love in the world. And there is still hope for him.


End file.
